we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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