Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
