in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize