I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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