I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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