the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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