I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
