Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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