he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize