Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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