lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
