I'm jealous of your bromance
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
