he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
