Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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