My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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