I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
