Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need to sanitize my soul.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
