i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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