Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
