Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
