I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
