My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
