Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
