Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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