five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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