Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
