when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
