Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Say something about gay babies.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
