An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
