...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I touched a dick in church today
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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