thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
