my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
