Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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