I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
