for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
