The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
