is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
