hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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