So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
