and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
