You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
