I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
