I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
