she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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