were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
