the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
