bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
