you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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