mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
