I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
