I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
