Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
