i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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