i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
