There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize