Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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