People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize