It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
