i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
