he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
