I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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