If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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