the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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