I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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