so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think your dad took our porno
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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