I think I won the penis lottery.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
