Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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