When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
