My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
